A Hard Month

January 2017 was a very stressful, trying month for me.

I had gone on a girls trip with my friend Tiffany Kempton.  We went to Utah to a photography class and had a great time.  On the way home I told her how I would love to redecorate my home, that I needed a change and that it was very outdated with a big red wall.  (Now whites and greys were popular.)  She was excited and said she would help me and let's do it!

Redecorating is "not my thing" so having a friend to help me was what I really needed.  She was in, so I was excited.  My daughter Lexi was to be baptized in one month, so I had a deadline to get the house decorated before family came in to town.

We hired a painter and started to prime the big red wall and Tiffany and I went shopping at Hobby Lobby to find new decorations.  We needed to decide on a new wall color and it was so hard to decide!  I didn't want to have to redo my entire upstairs and so I needed to work with the dark fireplace and my other mocha walls.  I went to Home Depot several times buying little paint cans to sample on the wall.  We had a polka dot wall for a few days trying to find the right shade of gray.  I called friends over to get their opinions and nothing was coming together.  I was so stressed I started crying.  I was sick to my stomache and didn't want to make another decision.  Some paint looked too green, others were too light or too dark or too brown or made my other walls look peach.  Some friends liked one color while others liked another.  I couldn't handle all the choices and didn't love any of them.  I felt like no matter what I did it wasn't going to turn out right and it made me sick and nervous.

I got so stressed that I actually got insanely nauseous and threw up.
During this stressful redecorating project and planning my third child's baptism and preparing to host family for the weekend, Josh told me that his pay check had been cut down to 1/3 or 1/4 of what it used to be.  The company wasn't paying him extra compensation any longer and we were just receiving his base pay.  Our savings wasn't as big as I would have liked, nor as big as it has been in the past and I knew we had large bills due that would wipe our bank account super quick.  I was shocked and terrified and extreme guilt and shame and horror came upon me.  The feelings were intense and real.  And the sad thing is we didn't have anything to show for what we had spent out money on the last several years.  The way I felt was horrible and I never would wish it on anyone.  Not having money and having that stress and fear is the worst.

I couldn't rest, I was worried constantly.  My mother was my saving grace as I could be open with her about my feelings and cry from the depth of my soul.  With Josh's base pay, our mortgage payment was 60% of our income.  We couldn't even pay our basic bills on his base pay.  Luckily Josh has talked with his boss and they are extending his compensation plan for a few more months.  This has really helped me cut out all unnecessary expenses and really look at our budget and be better with our money.

Back to the house, the painter I hired finally found a paint chip and said, "why don't you try this Requisite Gray"?  And I said, ok, that's what I am going to paint.  I can't take this anymore.  I took the paint chip and went straight to the store, bought a gallon bucket of it and asked Julie to paint it, without even testing it first to make sure.

The color has actually turned out perfect!  It doesn't make my other walls look peachy and it doesn't look green or brown.  It has been a miracle!

Lexi's baptism was February 4 and it was beautiful.  Everything turned out great.  I am so grateful!!

Learning Moment

I have had quite the bad record playing over and over in my head lately.  It sounds something like this, "I'm ruining my children.  Everything I do is wrong.  I can't do anything right.  I mess up every time I do something.  I am hurting my children, etc. etc."

It's not good and I am getting quite discouraged by it's message I am hearing constantly.

I read a BYU Speech about the Atonement "Believing Christ: A Practical Approach to the Atonement" by Stephen E. Robinson.  I love his analogy of the little girl purchasing the bike and how she works SO hard and cannot save enough for the bike, but when her Dad steps in and says he will help out if she does her best, then he purchases the bike and she is able to have it.

We are the same as the little girl.  We can work and work and save all we want but we will never measure up even close to the perfection of our Savior.  But if we will partner with Him, then we can achieve anything.  His assets can overcome any debts we have incurred.

I need to partner with the Savior.  Work together.  Be one with Him.

***********************************
Heavenly Mother

I also need to remember my Heavenly Mother and of her characteristics.  I am doing in a small way what she is doing.  I need to liken myself to her.  The other day I was sitting in Primary Sharing Time and I heard someone crying out in the hall.  I immediately knew that it was my sweet little four-year-old daughter Makelle.  I knew her cry and I instantly ran out to help her and comfort her.  She had fallen while running from the drinking fountain, going back to her classroom.  I am sure my Heavenly Mother is the same way.  She knows me, loves me and knows my quirks.  She is here to help me and guide me.

***********************************
Analogy of the Swimming Lessons

A father took his daughter to the swimming pool and thought, "I will teach my daughter how to swim."  But the daughter was petrified and thought she was going to die and was screaming and crying and was unteachable.  The father hugged her and held her and said, "Becky, I've got you.  I'm your dad.  I love you.  I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you.  Now relax."  Becky trusted him.  She relaxed and he put his arms under her and said, "Okay, now kick your legs."  And they began to learn how to swim.

"Spiritually there are some of us who are similarly petrified by the questions "Am I celestial?  Am I going to make it?  Was I good enough today?"  We are so terrified if we are going to live or die, or whether we've made it to the kingdom or not, that we cannot make any progress.  It's at those times when the Savior grabs us and throws his arms around us and says, "I've got you. I love you.  I'm not going to let you die.  Now relax and trust me."  If we can relax and trust him and believe him, as well as believe in him, then together we can begin to learn to live the gospel."

I need to stop focusing on Perfection.  I need to stop expecting to "swim" -- master all the Christlike attributes at once -- because I am not to that level.  I need to Stop, Be Still and listen and follow the instructions of how to learn the next step of swimming.

______________________________________________________________
Teachings fro my dear husband...
I am really good at putting a "magnifying glass" on the current situation and/or problem until it is all that I see and it consumes me.

Josh is constantly reminding me to stay above the problem.  Keep an eternal perspective.  Show LOVE and feed on what is positive in the situation.

One of my choices of agency is my choice of what I focus on.  Do I focus on the positive or the negative?  I need to look at my kids and their potential.  I need to give them credit that they are trying!!  That they are doing good!!

Visiting Teaching

I have been asked to bear my testimony about Visiting Teaching this Sunday (October 2016) and this is somewhat of what I will say.

·      My early experiences with VT

I felt the power of what VT can do when I was first married. The monthly messages were good reminders and would uplift my thoughts, but the true love and concern and service rendered is what made the biggest impact on me. I was pregnant with my first baby and was very nauseous the first trimester. The only thing I could muster to eat for weeks was cheerios. Cheerios for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I think Josh was getting sick of cereal when my VT came over with dinner one Sunday night unexpectedly. The soup was divine and blessed me so much more than just filling my belly. That little act of service meant so much more to me! It lightened my heart and brightened my day for weeks and months! I felt loved, a burden was lifted for a moment and I felt valued. That gave me so much strength to keep going and I've never forgotten it.

·      My Favorite Quote on Visiting Teaching that inspires me.

 
“Much of the essential Relief Society work we do doesn’t happen in meetings. Because we follow the example and teachings of Jesus Christ, we value this sacred assignment to love, know, serve, understand, teach, and minister in His behalf [through visiting teaching]. This is one duty we have in the Church where we are certain to have the help of the Lord if we ask for it. This is one responsibility that is certain to increase our faith and personal righteousness and strengthen our own homes and families as we become partners with the Lord. A sister in this Church has no other responsibility outside of her family that has the potential to do as much good as does visiting teaching.”
Julie B Beck “Relief Society, A sacred work” October 2009

*Anything worth doing doesn’t come easy.  Don’t give up!!!  A few years ago I was assigned to be visiting teaching partners with a good friend, Crystal.  We had three ladies to visit who worked, etc.  So, trying to get 5 ladies schedules to coordinate was hard.  But, it was REALLY hard this time with Crystal.  RIDICULOUSLY hard.  I seriously thought we were going to ruin our friendship over it.  It was CRAZY how much opposition there was just to get our visiting teaching done.  (At the time I didn't realize she felt the same way I did.)  I was so sad that we were having such a hard time and didn't want this to ruin our friendship but I was also determined to still do our VT!  It was crazy.  So... one day I decided I would take her a loaf of bread.  I wanted her to know that I was trying to work things out and I knew she was super stressed.  So I randomly dropped by some bread one day to be nice.   We were able to hang out and talk and after that VT wasn’t a problem.

*It seems stressful and hard to go but once I do, I never regret it. I strongly believe what we give will always come back to us in one way or another. Everything about the gospel is a win-win for all involved. The blessings are amazing. 

*As I go VT I feel strengthened as I return to my home and family. Taking time to think of others and look outside myself helps put my life in better perspective and helps me see the blessings I have in my life and I feel renewed.

*VT is very inspiring and makes me want to serve more and more. My faith is strengthened and I'm the happiest I've ever been when I go VT with heart and soul. I feel Gods love for others and it's the best feeling ever!

*VT helps me foster relationships I otherwise wouldn't have. I learn so much from those I visit. I am so glad to know Lona Newell, Jo Smathers, Heather Shumway and Lisette Spencer. They are amazing women and their goodness rubs off on me every time I visit with them.

·       I like to share what I am learning about.  I have made scripture journals for the ladies I visit teach, Easter packets, General Conference Packets, etc. 

·       VT truly is an inspired program that helps us begin to walk with the Savior. It is an act of faith and love. It is a privilege and a joy to walk with Him and as we do and are filled with the Holy Ghost, we will receive his divine nature into our being and feel true joy, there is nothing better than that.

My 1st Real Conversation About My Church

4/24/16
A year ago a Mom of a girl Viann who is friends with my 4 yr old daughter Makelle invited us to their annual family Easter Egg Hunt at their home and farm on the outskirts of Casper.  It was lots of fun and I felt drawn to this family.  Our daughters are great friends and we have had playdates and little chats with the mom passing by at preschool often.

On Friday, April 22, 2016 we were talking and April Hegge asked what my plans were for the weekend.  I mentioned I had nothing pressing that I had to do so she invited me to go to coffee.  My face must of turned bright red!  She quickly added, "or tea."  I was still embarrassed and didn't know what to say because I don't drink tea either!  But I said "Sure!" because I had heard that coffee places also offer hot chocolate so I knew I could order that instead.  She told me to meet her at a coffee shop that I had no idea where it was so I rushed to the parking lot so I could follow her in the car.

We got to the coffee shop and ordered our drinks.  She ordered tea and I ordered my hot chocolate with cool whip.  Tyson was with me and played with his Thomas the Train as we talked about our kids and their activities and the plans we had for summer.  Then Tyson kept saying "Church.  Church."  So I explained how Tyson loves going to church.  She asked what church I went to and I answered, "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."  She wasn't familiar with the name and asked, it isn't catholic... what is it?  And I answered, "Some know it as Mormons."  She understood and explained that she grew up Baptist but now she claims she has faith but not religion.  She asked a lot of questions that I have never had to answer before and I was nervous and shaking.  I explained wards and how we meet at different times, what time our church was and how many churches were in town.  She asked if we had one minister that taught at each one and I explained the Bishopric and how we all teach and minister to each other.  She asked about how we progress in the church so I explained baptism, receiving the priesthood and going to the temple to be married and take out further covenants.  What was very surprising was that she didn't even know what a temple was.  I showed her a picture of the Billings MT Temple from my phone.  We talked about going on missions and how we are service oriented.  I told her how I serve in the primary as the music leader.  I invited her to come to church and she said she might come.  :)  The one question she asked that I am sad I was not prepared to answer was, "I don't know the difference between the different churches.  I am sure you know more about that."  And my reply was, "Not really.  I have never been to another church before."  What kind of answer is that!?  I am kicking myself over that and hope and pray I will have another opportunity to speak with her and better answer that question.

We moved on to other topics and then went our way.

When I got home I couldn't stop thinking about our conversation.  I called my husband and told him about it.  He gave me the great idea to invite her to church on Mother's Day.  I continued to think about her and realized we have the Fort Collins Temple being built and the open house will begin this summer.  I got the chills as I thought of it and that I should invite April to come with us to the Open House.

I am so grateful I had the opportunity to speak with her and that she was open to asking questions.  I wish I had been more prepared and will be able to better answer questions about the church next time.  She has a wonderful family that would be picture perfect mormons.  We shall see.

7/28/16
April and I have had several playdates at the Wolf Creek Park and playdates with Viann and Makelle.  We haven't talked about the church again until a couple weeks ago.  She had dropped off Makelle's swimsuit that she had left at her house.  When April was leaving I said, "Hey, do you remember me telling you about the Temple that is being build?" and she chimed in, "Ya, the one in Fort Collins?"  I said, "Yes!  Well, it is almost done now, do you want to go to it?" or something like that.  She put her head down and shook it while saying, "No."  I was surprised and said she wasn't more open to considering the idea.  I replied, "Really?!" with surprise in my voice, trying to muster up any convincing I could do.  I continued, "This is a really rare opportunity to come and walk through a temple!  Usually they don't let just anyone come in but before it is dedicated they open it up to everyone to be able to come and see."  She acted a little more interested and said she'd think about it.  A couple days later I gave her an official Temple Open House invitation.
Then a week or two later I texted her out of the blue.  I said something to the effect of inviting her again to the temple.  I said that I wanted her to come more than to just see a beautiful building that is the closest thing to earth, but to come and see what is at the heart of my beliefs, why we do what we do and to see for herself and determine if it adds to and enriches what she already believes in and hopes for.  She responded and said Thank you.

Interesting Happenings Around Here

A couple days ago I was taking a box of toys and things to Good Will to donate.  As I was driving there I had the thought that someone in the ward might be able to use the high chair I was donating.  I arrived at GoodWill but hurried and called a sister in the ward to see if she knew of anyone who would want it.  She said she'd call the RS President and let me know.  I donated the rest of the items and kept the high chair in my car as I ran more errands for a couple more hours.  I got a phone call back and was told that they weren't aware of anyone who needed it.  I was a little frustrated and confused to why I had that thought.  So back to GoodWill I went to donate the chair.  I pulled up next to another car donating items.  As I walked up the lady in the other car stopped me, she said, "Can I ask you a crazy question?  Can I have that chair?  My mom has been looking for a chair like that and they are hard to find."  So of course I gave it to her.  Was that a mere coincidence?  Or is that who truly needed the chair and was God's way of getting it to her?


A day or two later I was getting in my car in the morning to take the kids to elementary school.  There was a ton of stuff scattered on my seat from the middle console.  I called Josh to see if he had done that, which was highly unlikely.  Then I looked to the middle row of the car and saw that stuff was scattered all over.  Someone had definitely rummaged through my car!  But as far as I could tell nothing was missing.  But then I did find out that my phone chargers were missing.  My neighbor across the street wasn't as lucky as I was.  Their car was set on fire on the inside.  The two front seats were burned and melted and the entire car was saturated in smoke.  Two other cars nearby also were set on fire.  I had parked outside because Josh was having the Priests over for mutual welding things in our garage.  I left the keys in the car so he could pull it in to the garage when he was through.  That never happened, so when the people rummaged through my car they didn't even take the keys, steal my car or start it on fire.  Why was I so blessed??  Also, we don't have insurance on the car so we would have been out $10,000.  We are SO Blessed!!!  The news reporter came over today and interviewed me.  This is the second vehicle break-in we have had in 10 yrs.

To My Children

“Now, brethren, do not expect perfection in your choice of a mate. Do not be so particular that you overlook her most important qualities of having a strong testimony, living the principles of the gospel, loving home, wanting to be a mother in Zion, and supporting you in your priesthood responsibilities.

Of course, she should be attractive to you....

And one good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?” 
― Ezra Taft Benson


“My young sisters, we have such hope for you. We have such great expectations for you. Don't settle for less than what the Lord wants you to be...

Give me a young woman who loves home and family, who reads and ponders the scriptures daily, who has a burning testimony of the Book of Mormon... Give me a young woman who is virtuous and who has maintained her personal purity, who will not settle for less than a temple marriage, and I will give you a young woman who will perform miracles for the Lord now and throughout eternity.” 
― Ezra Taft Benson


“All through my life the counsel to depend on prayer has been prized above almost any other advice I have ever received. It has become an integral part of me, an anchor, a constant source of strength and the basis of my knowledge of things divine.” 
― Ezra Taft Benson

“Man…need not stand alone. Prayer will open doors; prayer will remove barriers; prayer will ease pressures; prayer will give inner peace and comfort during times of strain and stress and difficulty.” 
― Ezra Taft Benson

“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will find out that he can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour our peace. Whoever will lose his life in God will find he has eternal life.” 
― Ezra Taft Benson

“When obedience ceases to be an irritant and becomes a quest, in that movement God endows us with power.” 
― Ezra Taft Benson

Seek Jesus

My new motto: Seek Jesus.

I want to view my actions and make sure that each day I am doing things to seek out Jesus.  Have I invited Him in to my life today through prayer, scripture study, virtuous thoughts, service, following in his ways, thinking of Him?  Have I sought his companionship, guidance and support or am I traveling alone?

“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He can deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, and pour out peace.” 
― Ezra Taft Benson

“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives.  Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.” 
― Ezra Taft Benson