TRUTHS

I am a daughter of God.  He knows who I am.

Prayer and scriptures put me in touch with God, my greatest source of comfort and counsel.

The Holy Ghost is my constant companion to strengthen me, comfort me, guide me and protect me.

Feelings of despair, discouragement, despondency and depression are tactics of Satan.

"Thine adversity and thin afflictions, shall be but a small moment; and then, if though endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high."  D&C 121:7-8 

Recall past victories and count the blessings that you do have with a sure hope of greater ones to follow if you are faithful.  In due time God will wipe away all your tears and that "eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered intot he heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him."  (1 Cor. 2:9)

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."  (1 Cor. 10:13)

Moroni 7:16 For behold, the ^aSpirit of Christ is given to every ^bman, that he may ^cknow good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.

17 But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do ^aevil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him.

"Opposition turns up almost anyplace something good has happened.  It can happen when you are trying to get an education.  It can hit you after your first month in your new mission field.  It certainly happens in matters of love and marriage...There are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been genuine illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing.  If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now.  Don't give up when the pressure mounts...Face your doubts.  Master your fears. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.'  Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you. "  - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, BYU Devotional, March 2, 1999

God's Blueprint

I had no idea what I was getting in to!

A few months back I thought it would be great to do a Relief Society activity on “Goal Setting”, basically the importance of living deliberately.  I have been very goal oriented myself and see the great blessings that come from living this way.  There has been studies done on what percentage of people actually set and write down their goals.  The results are astounding.  Only 3% of the population actually makes goals and writes down.

Our normal RS Activities are done on a Thursday evening from 7-8:30pm.  I knew if I really wanted to make this class meaningful and really have the sisters implement the principles, we would need more time.
It was holiday season of Thanksgiving and Christmas.  So I decided I would wait to talk to the RS Presidency about my Saturday Workshop idea until January, when things had slowed down.  Then I learned that the counselor in the presidency was being changed, etc.  so that made it difficult to have someone to talk to about it.
Thursday, January 5, the RS president, Louise Yarger, came to my home to discuss my idea for the January meeting.  I had tentatively scheduled in my head to do the workshop on Saturday January 21.  We discussed my ideas and she said she would talk to the bishop and the new RS Counselor to see if they were ok with a Saturday workshop.  They both immediately agreed and the only Saturday available was January 21!
So I immediately called Crystal Wilkerson who I wanted to do the workshop with me.  We planned to meet the very next day to start working on it.  Late Saturday night I realized I needed to make flyers to post around the church to advertise for it.  Nothing had been posted for the January activity yet and it would be in two weeks!
I was up very late that night and when Sunday morning rolled around I did not want to get up.  Josh wasn’t feeling well and said he was going to stay home from church.  I wanted to stay home too but it was my fault I was up so late and I don’t think my being exhausted was a good enough excuse.  So I got up and got the four children ready for church and we went.  We arrived late, had to park down the road and walk in.  All the seats were full so we ended up sitting in the foyer for Sacrament Mtg. and missed half the Sacrament.  It was fast and testimony meeting and my dear son Trevor bore his sweet testimony for the second time of his life.  That was the only good moment of all of church.  I was exhausted, the kids were being kids and I just plain didn’t want to be there.  I posted the flyers for the workshop and attended my meetings like I should.
That afternoon back at home I started getting so stressed out over the workshop.  I was literally sick to my stomach and wanted to throw up.  It consumed my entire body.  It was the most awful feeling I had ever felt.  I wanted to call Louise and tell her it was off but I had just announced it all over church!  I did not know what to do or how to get rid of the stress and doubt and awful feelings that were literally consuming every fiber of my body.  The only thing I could think of was to get a blessing from my husband.  I am so grateful he is a worthy priesthood holder and that he can give me blessings I need in the very instant I need them.  As he gave me the blessing I do not recall anything that he said.  All I could focus on was the calmness that I felt.  All the anxiety had left and I felt calm inside.  It was wonderful.  However, not long after the blessing the all consuming feelings of anxiety, stress, fear, and doubt returned.  I was so confused!  Was I supposed to do this workshop?  I cried in despair and went to my husband for guidance.  He is always so helpful to ask me questions and walk me through things mentally.
I decided I would still do the workshop because of the peaceful feeling I had received during the blessing.  I met with Crystal Monday morning and we continued working on the details of the workshop.  Day after day I still felt doubt, fear, stress, to an all consuming level.  It would go away when I was talking with Crystal and at other brief moments.  For days I could not sleep, my body was weak and trembling.  I wanted to hide from myself but there was no escape. 
It was now Thursday evening.  I was crying for the umpteenth time about the workshop asking Josh again what I should do.  I was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted.  I could not eat, I could not sleep.  I could not go on like this any longer. He told me that only I could get that answer.  It was between me and the Lord.
I resolved to go to my closet and consult the Lord.  This wasn’t the first time I had done this.  I had prayed for help and guidance all week and I felt like he was guiding me so why was I completely consumed with doubt, fear, etc?
I remembered something I had learned about praying for answers.  It is best to ask “yes/no” questions rather than open ended ones.  So I knelt down with a paper and pencil and wrote down a few questions.  First, Should I do this workshop?  Every time I asked that question the calmness would gently come in to my heart.  OK, second question, Is the workshop outline (basically the contents of the workshop) ok?  I felt a “no”.  Something in the outline was wrong.  Was it in the wrong order?  Was it because I hadn’t actually done all the things I was teaching about?  Was something missing?  I sat there asking contemplating, listening, feeling, seeking for answers.  It was frustrating and hard but I tried my hardest to seek His will and receive answers.  When something came to my mind I wrote it down.  “Power of thoughts”...  “Create spiritually before physically” … “Laws”.  I then started to write down everything I knew about the laws of “creation spiritually before physically” and the “law of the harvest”.  I came to the conclusion I needed to talk about the laws of the universe and how our behavior stems from our thoughts.  If we want to change our behavior we have to change our thoughts—what we focus on.  Change our focus from earthly things to spiritual things.  Focus on Christ.  I received my answer!  It took a long time, but it came.  That night I could not sleep.  My mind would not stop thinking about the points I needed to talk about.  I was SO tired and tried to sleep but every time a thought came to my head I got up and went into my closet to write it down.  This went on all night long.  By morning I had several pages of sticky notes filled with ideas.  I went to the computer and started a whole new outline for the workshop and put it together beginning to end.  Finally I started to calm down.  Things were starting to work out.  By the very end of the day, I could actually go to sleep for the first time in a week.
I know that God knows who I am.  He is aware of what I am doing.  He knows my desires and wants to help me and does help me along the way, especially when I ask for specific help.  This has been the craziest week of my life.  I have never felt the feelings so intensely before.  There is a true and living God.  This is God’s church.  He has THE plan.  When we are stressed it is because we are trying to fit Him in to our plan.  It is when we fit ourselves to His plan that things work out.  I am so thankful for prayer.  I am so thankful for inspiration.  It is so real.  You must be in tune with your feelings and be worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost.  Your feelings tell you if things are right or wrong.  I know that there are keys of the kingdom.  That with our callings there are keys that we are given to aid us in those callings.  I have charge over the Relief Society Meetings and the sisters of our ward.  I know that I have the right to discernment and guidance as to what the sisters need and how to plan activities to assist them in developing the areas of need. This gospel is amazing.  I am so grateful for the Plan of Happiness.  And we have a choice to pick God’s plan and the promised blessings, or to choose our own plan with no promise attached.
When making the outline for the workshop I had titled it “Blueprint Outline”.  But by the time I was through I knew it was “God’s Blueprint.”  I put blood, sweat and tears in to it.  What an experience.  God is in control.  He is teaching us along the way if we are willing to learn.  In every experience he is trying to teach us to TRUST IN HIM.  He is our God.  He is our Father.  He knows you.  He loves you.  TRUST in His plan and you will not go wrong. 

Learning to Follow the Spirit

My new calling as RS Mtg. Coordinator has been a great experience for me.  I have been able to really learn to recognize the spirit and how it works as I have been planning and preparing the meetings for our relief society sisters.  This takes inspiration to know the needs of our specific ward and what the Lord would have us do to edify them.

The spirit is real.  It is aware of my responsibilities and has been there to help guide me.
The hard part is then Satan comes in and tries to throw me off course.  After I decide on the purpose of our activity, Satan tries to make me doubt it big time.

I have been gearing up for our big January Blueprint Workshop on setting goals.  The purpose is in helping the sisters really make sure their actions are in alignment with their values and ultimate desires.  Last Sunday we put of fliers and started announcing this activity to everyone.  That afternoon I was physically sick to my stomach and filled with doubt.  It wasn't the kind of doubting with questions of is this right.  It was different, but very real and was literally making me physically, mentally and emotionally sick to the point that I wanted to just call the whole thing off.

I then had Josh give me a priesthood blessing and during the blessing those sick feelings were completely gone.  Since then those doubts have not returned.

I know Satan is real and that he was trying to get me to back out of this workshop because it is something that will really benefit the women of our ward.  I know the Lord allows Satan to test me to see how committed I truly am to His work.  He wants to see how deep my desire lays when things get tough, and if I have the faith to make it through.

This calling has been a HUGE learning experience for me.  I am recognizing how the spirit works, how Satan tries to thwart those plans.  I am experiencing inspiration and guidance and fulfillment in my expression through these meetings of my testimony.