The Words We Speak

Exactly a week ago I was asked to speak in Sacrament Meeting today.  My words were to be based off of Sister Rosemary Wixom's General Conference Talk, April 2013, "The Words We Speak."

From the last General Conference, her talk stood out to me the most as one I wanted to study more in depth and better apply in my life.  So I was very grateful for the added opportunity in being able to speak today to help me to study this in more depth quickly and effectively.

I have struggled at times with the making sure that all my words are kind and calm.  I have learned to lean on the Lord heavily to strengthen me in this weakness and His atonement has been a huge help.  But I would often still slip and fall in to a downward spiral with speaking not so kind and loving.  As I was studying this topic of our words and the importance of them, I already KNEW how important they were.  I already had a testimony of why it is so important to do so and was shocked that I was still slipping and struggling to act the way I wanted to and knew I should.

As I was preparing my talk I told myself that my talk wouldn't be good enough unless it changed me to speak the way I know is right and good.  So that was my focus and intent.   I wanted to study and learn and search myself to learn what, why and how.

It was handy that opportunities to try to speak with love and patience come so often.  :)  I really tried to watch what I was doing, my thought processes during the interactions and see what was controlling the unfavorable actions I was still having even though I was trying so hard not to.

It was enlightening to learn some things about myself... There were several reasons WHY we still do things in a manner that we don't want to...

we live in a reactive state instead of a proactive state… or

we lose vision of our true purpose … or 

we get consumed in the moment of being understood and not first seeking to understand … or 

we believe it is faster to get results this way, it takes too much time and effort to be persuasive and long suffering and to reason one with another, or

maybe it is a divine weakness we have been given, Jesus says that he gives unto men weakness... or

it is probably a habit that we have formed and habits die hard, or 

we have learned that using this behavior has been able to get us results we desire, of compliance and obedience...but this is not the right way to accomplish that... it is not a stable foundation.

How to be better:
Make pre-thought out responses to use in such situations... it is much easier to control myself and respond in a positive way when I already know what to do.   (Awww, did you run out of love?  Let me give you some love!)
Rely on the Savior and His enabling atonement to make weak things become strong.
Always keep an eternal perspective and see
First seek to understand the other person, then be understood
Notice the difference that it makes on the spirit...do everything to keep the spirit!  We won't settle for anything less when we have felt the blessings of the spirit on a regular basis.  We will feel sooooo much better inside and about ourselves and about our loved ones.


The main points from my talk:

“Like all gifts which cometh from above,” words are “sacred and must be spoken with care, and by constraint of the spirit.”  --Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "The Tongue of Angels"

The Prophet Joseph Smith deepened our understanding of the power of speech when he taught, “It is by words [that] every being works, when he works by faith.” Everything in our universe began by words… “God said, ‘Let their be light: and there was light.’   Joshua spake, and the great lights which God had created stood still.  Elijah commanded, and the heavens were stayed for the space of three years and six months so that it did not rain. … All these things were done by faith, and faith works by words, and so it is with words, that faiths mightiest works have been and will be performed. 

We likewise, do mighty works, both good and ill, through the words we speak and hold within our hearts.  

We need to be mindful that children are very moldable.   Their beliefs and self-worth are shaped early in their lives, largely through our words and example.  

The tone we speak in directly relates to the degree of the spirit that will be in them and the edification thereof. 

If we are not careful, from our mouths can come cancers and deadly poisons to family life.  They are found in:  criticizing, complaining, comparing and competing.

One more that is greatly emphasized in the scriptures that we need to be on our utmost guard against is Contention… these cancerous and poisonous forms of speech can metastasize and spread their negative consuming energy throughout the family, opening the door for Satan to enter in and drive love and inner peace from our heart and homes. –(bolded words are by Steven R. Covey)

We have learned that having planned responses used with love, gives us the ability to control the situation, which quickly diffuses the anger and helps bring the spirit back to our home.   "Oh!  Stop!  Let's rewind and do that again." "Awww, did you run out of love?  Let me give you some love!"

President Monsons greeting: “Oh, look who’s home!  It’s Ann!  Aren’t we glad?  Isn’t she beautiful?”

Sister Wixoms story of the boy lost in the Fabric Store.  From this story we see that the woman 1. Prayed for guidance from the Holy Ghost, 2. Sought to first understand the child, 3. Used a still small voice  4. Lovingly helped the child know what to do.   The boy then felt safe and secure and was able to respond correctly.

In the Book of Mormon as Nephi gives his final testimony, he calls us to “follow the Son of God with full purpose of heart,” promising that “after ye have received the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost, ye can speak with a new tongue, yea, even with the tongue of angels.  And how could ye speak with the tongue of angels save it were by the Holy Ghost?  Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ.”

Words spoken with care and constraint of the spirit, or with the tongue of angels, gives life to our souls and lights our path.  It will draw us closer to God and to one another. They produce spiritual fruits of love, joy, peace, goodness, and faith in our family life. Gal. 5:22  These results are easy to mention, but oh how SWEET they are to the soul!  When we truly feel and experience these blessings on a regular basis, we won’t want to settle for anything less.

May we all live with the Holy Ghost by our side and with Faith in our hearts.  So that ALL the words we speak may be with the tongue of angels and reflect the love our Heavenly Father has for all of his children.  For these will be some of our greatest works.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

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What I didn't get to mention was: 

Our great desire is to raise our children in truth and righteousness. One principle that will help us accomplish this is to avoid being overly judgmental about conduct that is foolish or unwise but not sinful. Many years ago, when my wife and I had children at home, Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught that it was important to distinguish between youthful mistakes which should be corrected and sins that require chastening and repentance.¹⁴ Where there is lack of wisdom, our children need instruction. Where there is sin, repentance is essential.¹⁵   "In Tune with the Music of Faith" by Quinton L. Cook

We can learn from that voice from heaven. It was not loud, scolding, or demeaning; it was a still voice of perfect mildness, giving firm direction while giving hope.

It is possible for us to forget the divinity of our children as we see them struggling and learning in this new experience of life.  But they are great spiritual souls, who have been put in our trust to help them learn and become who they truly are.  There is innate goodness in everyone.

The bible says the power of life and death is in the tongue.

In every encounter I can choose to exhibit understanding and empathy or I can choose to be critical and judgmental.  (Which path we choose will determine the words we speak)… which will lead to meaningful relationships or to a life of empty assumptions and frustrations. Pg. 160

Joseph F. Smith:  The power of the love of a mother.  He knew and felt his mothers love so strongly he couldn't stand the thought of ever disappointing her.  Her love was a strength for him.

Make our home an incubator for the spirit.

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I will be forever grateful for studying and writing this talk.  It has been life changing for me and I have learned sooooooooooo much about myself and about the spirit.